...

you have the wonderful rainbow-unicorn days

then you have the rubbish lightning-thunder days

and you have the calm, passive breakfast-school-lunch-dinner days

but more often than the rest, you have the number 2 days.

rubbish lightning-thunder days are the effects of close proximity with assholes. the assholes assholes. not the kind that you throw at your close friends just because fowl language is the new language, but the kind that truly (and might i add, proudly) carry the definition of asshole.

personally, i go through life tolerating asshole. sure we all do, but i'm an asshole magnet. you know, cos' opposites attract, yin and yang, the north pole attracts the south pole of a magnet.

and i'm terrified of breathing the air they exhale. it makes me sick. it's as if they've poisoned that air with their assholesness blood and i'm inhaling it hence poisoning my blood and lungs.

assholes have ruined oxygen for me. assholes help me appreciate the people who are not assholes.

assholes also discharge negative energy. they can't help but to bring others down in order to feel good about themselves.

i've taken the courtesy to divide assholes of the world into groups of various kinds.

the self-absorbed & selfish asshole cannot stop talking about him/herself. case in point, when one is upset over something, the self-absorbed asshole will make the entire conversation about him/herself. magnification of personal problems in a conversation completely irrelevant is one of the symptoms. oh ya. another symptom would be that the self-absorbed & selfish asshole would go all out to make life difficult for others to save 2 minutes of own time.

the vile asshole is delusional. thinks that he/she is has the sense of humour of a stand-up comedian and therefore, have the obligation to speak too much, too loud, too uncool.

the shallow asshole thinks that wearing low-rise jeans are basic human rights that is to show the buttcrack (properly termed gluteal cleft). the shallow asshole is terrified of getting too close with people who aren't as gorgeous as them lest the ugly dust exuded will infect them.

the insensitive asshole has zero regard for the emotions of others. the insensitive asshole may often be mistaken for the self-absorbed & selfish asshole. the fine difference between the these two types of assholes is that the insensitive asshole is rudely unceremonious (in overabundance)

the gullible & comformist asshole is well, dupable. the gullible asshole is also the biggest loser (not related to the weight-loss program on tv). the gullible asshole will believe, and believe and believe everything everyone says without a tinge of curiosity of the validity of whatever statements. so shan, why is the gullible asshole the biggest loser? because y'see, when A tells B that C is bitch, and C is actually very nice, only a bitch when provoked (aren't we all?), B (the gullible asshole) just lost one person to befriend. geddit? oh yes, the gullible and conformist asshole is also not opinionated.

the lazy asshole has a job. but the lazy asshole will make his/her inferior workers to do his/her job. the lazy asshole however will take credit for all the work that has been completed. in borderline cases of the lazy asshole, the lazy asshole will ask for a buttwipe.

the scornfully and condescendingly proud asshole is also known as the haughty (lofty, arrogant, to name a few) asshole. this fuck everything only i matter asshole is plain cocky. perhaps this asshole has accomplished a great achievement in his/her life and believes that he/she has the right to be excessively arrogant. i'm afraid no achievement is too great if you don't have modesty in your vocabulary.

the innate asshole is in all of us. at one point in life, we all have been assholes. these form of asshole is the most benign case in history. the innate asshole is aware when being an asshole. the innate asshole transforms into an asshole for self-defence (survival of the fittest).

okay i'm done. i'm sure there's more, but i'm sorta hungry. of course, this post was inspired by a recent close proximity with an asshole.

here's a shoutout to all the assholes who deserve a pencil in the eye! cheers, mate(s)!